June 26, 2008

Tears Behind Sunglasses

It had been a difficult day with Dani and her Autism.  Our trip home from the workshop began with me being thoroughly frustrated with her disabilities.  

In the midst of it all, however, God chose to give me a glimpse into her warm heart, which often seems cold and uncaring.  For a brief moment we communicated as mother and daughter and it brought tears to my eyes.

It happened while driving home. I saw a man in a wheelchair "walking" his dog and thought she might be interested in seeing the duo.  With arm stretched out, I pointed in the man's direction and said, "Dani look.  The man is walking his dog!" Not expecting a response in return, I was completely surprised when she turned to me and signed, "sorry"  "fix?"  

Dazed at her clarity, it was clear she felt sorry for the man and was asking if he could be fixed. My eyes welled up with tears as I told her, "No.  I am sorry.  The man cannot be fixed."  

As she looked at the man in the wheelchair, I looked at her and her own battle with disabilities. We drove home in silence as I fought back my tears and humbly asked God to forgive me for being so frustrated with her Autism. 

Oh how I long for the day when we will meet her in heaven. Healed of her disabilities we will see her as God originally created her to be.  

Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

12 comments:

Cheryl Barker said...

Nancy, my heart goes out to you. I know God understands your feelings and frustrations -- I'm so thankful that His understanding is without limit (Ps. 147:5). And thanks for the reminder of what we have to look forward to in heaven!

Linda said...

Isn't it comforting to know that God doesn't waste tears? It's like you said in your devotion, if our hearts are pliable and we are seeking Him, we will see what He wants to show us...even through the tears. Thank you for being "real" on your blog. I am sure you are ministering to so many Moms out there.

thislittlepiggy said...

This happens to me a lot. Just when I don't think I can bear the frustration, Sweetums has a break through moment. Just a glimpse of what we have to look forward to when we get Home. God is so good. :o)

luvmy4sons said...

Wow. I am so sorry Nancy for this situation that surely must be difficult beyond measure at times to deal with! I too have struggled with my own attitude with some of my sons' learning disabilities and teaching them ( nothing compared to your situation) and realized I was so caught up in my own frustration I never stopped to consider what it was like for them. What a sweet heart your daughter has. I join you in looking forward to heaven when we will all be freed from this corruptible body! Hugs!

Midlife Mom said...

What a blessing that God gave you that special moment with your daughter! I think He knows when we need it the most!

Yolanda said...

Nancy,

Good morning from Sunny HOT AND WINDY Southwest Kansas! I've seen your postings many times on the LPM Blog and some of our other Siesta's. This morning I felt the pull to come check out your blog.

Sister, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! We have a young girl in our church that has Autism. Her Mother has MS that is raging through out her body and a young son that will be in the 6th grade. His sister is older than him, and she is parenting solo. Every time I see her, I so admire her. I said that to say.....God has something awesome in store for you and for Dani. Dani also has been blessed with the Best Mom for her!

Love,
Yolanda

annette said...

I think He knew you needed that moment at that moment in a big way. You will always remember it.

Shannon said...

Hello again
I tend to feel frusterated and sorry for myself with the struggles we have but then I see what you struggle with your daughter and how well you cope with things and the faith you have for her in a better place.
God has given you great strength it sounds like.
Oh and the pool pictures look great. Can I come for a dip? lol
Take Care

StaceyStace said...

Ah, yes. Those sunglasses have multiple purposes! I'm glad you had that moment.

littlerad said...

Nancy,
My heart swells with compassion for you and for your daughter... I am glad you had that beautiful connection with Dani...
You are both in my prayers...
Connie
GBU

De Anna Morris said...

Nancy, I hear in your words a very devoted, loving heart that is filled with the fruit of patience. God knew you would be the perfect Mother for His Dani.

Blessings to you...and love.

Mercy4Drew said...

Came upon your blog from LPM; I always have an austistic child, Drew, 11; I fully understand the daily struggles and challenges; my prayer every morning is, "Lord, what I am going to do with Drew today?" : ) I will cont to keep up with this site; I am also a nurse. I also experienced a great renewal in my own spiritual life when my dtr was dx with inoperable Crohns dz at 11; she is now 20 and survived many trial but attends a wonderful Christian college, Union, and even endured the terrible tornado that hit in Feb.God has been gracious. Blessings to you too!