Last week was one of the worst weeks I’ve ever had. Dani’s hives hit an all-time high, which in turn flared her Autism to the max. With Jimmy back to work traveling full-time, I had no help and by the end of the week I was ready to pull my hair out. Things seemed to go from bad to worse and with Dani coming down sick, Saturday proved to be the icing on the cake.
Jimmy had a photography class to attend, which meant I had to take Dani with me to Ecclesiastes puppy graduation. She didn’t feel well, but it was his graduation and I didn’t want to miss. Fully aware it might not be a good idea I gave it try, and it wasn’t a good idea at all. We ended up bolting from class twice so she could go the restroom to vomit.
Last week was simply the worst. It was so bad I couldn’t help but wonder why I didn’t break. You know, go over the deep end and do something drastic like run away. I was literally pushed to the proverbial edge, yet somehow never broke. Furthermore, I knew I wouldn’t and the notion of this perplexing fact amazed me so much, that after some prayer and pondering, I came to a conclusion. I didn’t break because God was breaking me.
You see when we snap or go over the deep end, it’s because we are attempting to handle the pressures of life in our own human strength. As each trial mounts atop our shoulders we become more and more unstable and begin to melt down mentally, physically, and emotionally. That’s when we do drastic things like run away, have an affair, overspend, overeat, or end it all.
Being broke, on the other hand, is when God lovingly and methodically tears down our old self in order to build us anew. It is just as painful, but it involves great purpose and benefit. In His hands we are pealed, stripped, poked, and prodded, then molded into a new creature designed for His perfect work and will. The most wonderful thing is that though He breaks us, He never leaves us broken, which is why I love Mark Schultz’s song entitled, “Broken and Beautiful.” How true this is. There is nothing more beautiful than a child of God broken, rebuilt, and renewed in Him.
Dear sister if you feel as though you are going to snap, take it to God. Never attempt to handle things on your own or you will eventually crack. Instead, allow yourself to be broken under His skilled hand. Give Him all your wants, desires, fears, and disappointments. If you are angry, tell Him. He already knows. If you don’t understand what He is doing in your life, share that with Him as well, then ask Him to reveal His will for your life. If you are tempted to do something drastic or extreme, you are working in your own power and need to give it all to God. Trust me, you can do it!
Isaiah 43:1 “But now, this is what the LORD says — He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”
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