For "Crying" Out Loud

I couldn't wait to run my fingers tips across the key board bright and early the next morning. It was a no brainer, as soon as the sun gave rise to the new day, I was going to tell him. He'd get a kick out of this one, no question about it.

It's a thing our son and I have done since the dawn of texting and we rehearse it every time we observe or experience something a beat off the norm. Like the time I feverishly tapped to him a description of what looked like a very old grey haired lady, maybe in her 80's, driving a mammoth Hummer. The paradox was stunning, her small old conservative frame in that modern gas guzzling super-fly. It left me speechless but not textless. Drew knew about it within seconds and I felt great satisfaction just telling him, kind of like paying off a bill.

Oh...and his stories. They are hilarious. He has a way of describing things that always whip up a giggle. Having the same taste in humor, he knows precisely what strikes my fancy, his escapades of late are no exception. Seems he's become a real babe magnet, just not the marrying kind. The women after him are not in his age range or looking for an intimate relationship. To the contrary. They are my age or older, lonely, disabled, and seeking the help of trustworthy young man. Since he's too nice, or shy, to say no, he quietly offers his assistance and then spills the beans to Jimmy and me.

Sometimes it's like a soap opera. Like the time he drove a disabled older lady to her boyfriend's apartment when she thought he was being unfaithful, only to later de-wedged another woman's scooter from the door frame of her sliding glass door. His forte goes beyond transportation too. He's been summoned to move televisions, unclog toilets, and just listen to a lonely soul's concerns. It got to the point where he adopted a stealthier style to his comings and goings. He thought he was on to something until one morning, when he thought he was in the clear, a knock on his car window requesting help scared him out of his wits. He feels a bit stalked at times but the stories are priceless.

Since some accounts require more than a quick text, we've resorted to emails lately. That's why I hastened to the key board Tuesday morning and penned...

Drew,

I was sleeping so well last night until I had a nightmare. For some odd reason we still had the old hideaway couch in the front living room. Dad was sleeping in our bed but I was on the sleeper sofa, not sure why. Some blond lady, who was standing next to my couch/bed, turned into a little girl about eight years old. She crawled into bed with me and I let her because I knew she had no place to go. I knew it wasn't Dani because I didn't cuddle with her, plus she was blond and a lady the moment before. We just laid side by side.

Then...I heard something in the garage (we had no dogs to rely on). My ears perked and sure enough I heard another sound that proved someone was in the garage. Suddenly, to my right, the basement door opened. It was so real because I couldn't hear the door itself but felt the air pressure of the room change. I looked over and saw two men in black tee shirts come into view. I was terrified. That's when I tried to scream. My first call was miserable. All I could do was whimper. I knew I had to scream hard to get your dad's attention in the bedroom (cuz I was on the dumb hide away with a strange girl) so I bellowed...."Ja..Ja...Ja...Jimmaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!!!!!"

I screamed it out loud in real life, piercing the quiet night air of our home. Your dad put his hand on my side to comfort me but the more I realized what I had done the more I began to giggle. About that time I thought I might as well go to the bathroom, so I got up. As I'm walking toward the bedroom door your dad says, "Did you wake yourself up to pee?" That's when I began to howl. I was laughing so hard I had to bury my face in a bath towel once in the bathroom. It was absolutely hilarious. What's even funnier is your dad had been having trouble sleeping so he was wide awake when I screamed his name!

When I came back from the bathroom I was still howling over the incident. I just kept hearing, ...."Ja..Ja...Ja...Jimmaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!!!!!" Even your dad was laughing at this point. When I crawled back into bed I said, "Well if you'd protect me from intruders I wouldn't have to scream at you."

After all was said and done I got to thinking, if I was in bed with a strange little girl that was not Dani, what are the odds I could have called out another man's name? How would I have explained crowing another man's name in your dad's ear? After that I wished more than anything I could have seen Ecclesi and Cocoa's face at that very moment. Coke was behind the baby gate but Ecclesi never came to check on me. Stinkier. I will be laughing over this for a good long time.

Isn't it great to have someone to share the events of life with? I have no doubt God has a grand sense of humor and got a holy hoot out of my midnight outburst. Maybe in heaven He'll explain silly dreams and life's odd occurrences. Perhaps He'll reveal who the woman by my bed was, why she turned into a girl, and why older maidens feel an affinity toward our son.