Child-Like Faith

You can view it one of two ways, sad and depressing or precious and encouraging. After all, our 24 year old daughter functions at a kindergarten level, a reality that hosts a variety of emotions depending on the day and circumstance.

I remember a time not long ago when her delayed development would hit me like a ton of bricks. Out of the blue, just one look at this truth would send me sailing of course. I'd be out of whack for days on end, depending how strong grief's grip got a hold of me.

This time, however, as she tried her hardest to copy words on the board, grief was nowhere in sight, not even on the horizon. Instead, joy took center stage as I watches our little baby work so hard to do her best.

As Jimmy and I enter our later years it's sobering to grow older as our little girl's development remains frozen in time. Life moves on for everyone but Doodle Bug. She doesn't worry about the future or suffer past regrets, she simply lives each day one at a time.

Truth be known, her simplicity used to bug the tar out of me. There were so many simple things she couldn't do or learn and it was all so far beyond my comprehension. Through the years, however, God has painstakingly revealed the power simplicity holds in the life of a believer. Simple faith, Simple following. Simple love. It's all so key to the kingdom of God.

Though Dani cannot read more than a few words and cannot speak at all, she knows God. She signs "Jesus loves me" to strangers she meets, never thinking twice how they might respond. She shares what's on her mind and moves on, no questions asked. Amazingly enough Jesus always seems to be on her mind too. The other day I had a post-it on the bathroom mirror and as I was brushing her hair, she leaned forward toward the mirror in attempts to read the note. Searching for something familiar, she settled on a word that started with "J" and enthusiastically signed "Jesus!"

Bless her heart, the word wasn't Jesus, but I didn't spill the beans. I just smiled, gave her a big hug, and marveled at how tender her heart is toward our Lord and Savior. Her world may be small but Christ is her rock and always on her mind. She teaches me so much every day as her presence offers opportunity to not only serve one of God's precious children, but to imitate a true life example of what it means to have faith like a child.

"I tell you the truth,

anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God

like a little child will never enter it.”

Luke 18:17

Simple Things

Living with Dani's Autism is like a strip of velcro, soft smooth loops on one side and contrasting prickly spurs on the other. With odd, freakish, and rather effortless skill, her disability manages to evoke a perplexing mix of frustration and fascination in her father and me even still today.

As an example, she is in essence a geographical savant with regards to knowing her way around the Kansas City area. It takes but one visit to any spot in town to burn a permanent memory into her mind, lending her precise recall of what transpired at that particular location. At 22 years old she still points out places I took her when she was only five. It's utterly amazing but only the smooth loops of her sticky Velcro life. There's a knottier and much more complex side.

Like the time Jimmy took her to the grocery store she's frequented with us nearly every week of her life. Thinking he'd kill two birds with one stone, he assigned her a job to do while he finished up at the check out counter. Her task was simple, return the cart to its corral that was within eye shot, no more than 20 feet away. It was a no-brainer for a geographic guru, or so you'd think. Seems after releasing the cart to its pen, the trek back was more than she could handle. With a surge of panic washing over her like a tidal wave, she franticly began searching for the one counter that lodged her dad, which had mysteriously dissolved into a sea of checkouts. Putting his exchange on hold, he ran to her aid, thus rescuing her from thorny side of Autism.

The human race is both complex and amazing as a general rule, while those with developmental disabilities are a more advanced race you might say. Possessing clear deficiencies on one hand, they can display unmistakeable intelligence just as easily on the other. Many are as complex as they are simple, and for me, Dani's simplicity is her most fascinating feature. She can watch a favorite children's video hundreds of times, with each session bewitchingly newer than the one before. While she has the capacity to suffer boredom like anyone else, she never seems to tire of her videos.

Her simplicity used to bug the tar out of me back in the days when developmental delay poked at my hidden fear she'd never be normal. Every time she'd burst into tears because I asked her to do something as simple as hand me the remote that was less than 12" from her hand, I'd want to bellow "why can't you do the simplest thing!" Her increasingly palpable impairment was scaring me to death as it aimed me toward a future I surely dreaded. Through the years, however, I've grown accustom to her elementary ways and find they bring a strange peace into my own rather tricky life.

This picture of her on Saint Patrick's day, for example,refreshes my soul as I survey the joy this green flower lei and shamrock bedazzled tiara brings to her. Truth is they won't last long and she most likely did not construct the accessories herself, but these fine details don't dampen her delight. No gift of gold could bring her greater joy because God has entitled her with an ability to see the world with a heart that understands less is genuinely more. Mercy sakes alive. How I need this precious daily reminder.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~ Leonardo DaVinci

A Pure Heart

Jimmy and I were cleaning out the basement the other day when we uncovered a Bible I received in junior high. Believe it or not the school handed them out to each student and no one ever protested, got arrested, or filed a complaint. The precious gift of God's living Word was simply handed out pretty as you please. Seems like a miracle to me today.

Dani, our 22 year old daughter with Autism and deafness, was with us at the time and the moment her eyes lit on that little red Bible, she snatched it up quick as a whip. Holding the treasure inches from her face, she frantically fanned through the pages as a spark of excitement began to erupt within her. She had found a treasure that meant the world to her.

Amazingly enough she can identify a Bible out of a thousand random books, even when it's 1/4 normal size, bright red, and one she's never laid eyes on. With a heart fine-tuned directly on God, His word holds top rank in her heart. Whenever she sees a Bible she enthusiastically signs "Jesus" over and over and it always warms our hearts to watch her turn the pages of His book during church service, even though she can only read a couple of words. By the grace of God her limitations do not hinder her ability to commune with her Lord. She knows Him, He knows her, and it excites her to no end. She cries when she listens to Christian music and during communion, which no doubt immeasurably delights the heart of God.

When I was a little girl, Holy scripture amazed me too. I used to lay in bed at night looking at the New Testament red print and think, "Wow! Jesus actually spoke the words I'm holding in my hands." I'd scan my fingertips across the page as if absorbing its vast wisdom, while a feeling of wonder would invariably filled my soul. Since those early years I've learned first hand the rich blessings His word has brought into my life; comfort, joy, peace, wisdom, and guidance just to name a few. How wonderful it is to know it does the same for our sweet little Dani. He is faithful to his children and I praise Him for never forgetting even the least of His.

His love is vast and abundant for you too. May you feel his wonderful blessing of love for you today and through this holiday season.

"I tell you the truth,

whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine,

you did for me."

Matthew 25:40

PJ Day

I still remember the dreadful nightmare I once had of going to junior high in my nightie. It was a cold winter's morning. I road the bus to school, made my way through the crowd of kids to my locker, when suddenly it hit me. I'd forgotten to get dressed! I remember the frosty cold air whipping up my legs clear as a bell. It's a vivid memory that can still haunt me today. My only solace is that it was only a dream.

Times have changes and it seems greeting the day in your PJ's is the thing to do. Dani headed off to her Day Hab happy as a clam the other day because it was pajama day. More of a dream than a nightmare, she had a blast in her silky poodle designed night wear. She thought it was the neatest thing since sliced bread and I must say I got a kick out of it too.

It was cheap fun that spiced up her day.

Hope your have a great day too!

A Little Help from a Friend (part 1)

It had been an exceptionally long day at work and felt good to be home. I didn't know it at the time but my arrival home had commenced with a trading of sorts. Challenges at work were about to take second seat for a much bigger one waiting at home.

Before having a chance to rest my purse on the desk, Jimmy told me the news. Dani had been crying all evening and told him, in distinct sign language, she wanted to go to the hospital so a doctor could help her talk. I stood dumbfounded at her clear request.

Glued to his side, she huddled next to him on the couch as I stood purse in hand. My heart ached for her as I looked into her red teary eyes. She was truly down in the dumps and I could see it on her face. Suddenly drafted into the think-tank, my mind began racing for a solution. I could remember them all clear as a bell. We'd tried every enzyme, vitamin, biofeedback, OT, PT, and speech therapy under the sun, all to no avail. No matter what we tried, her ability to speak remained illusive and out of reach. I was at a loss for what to do next.

I once felt this way with our son Drew. He had recently entered kindergarten only to discover his classmates didn't have brothers or sisters like his. As I tucked him in bed one night, he cried uncontrollably over this new revelation and I felt the same pressure to ease his pain. Tonight was like deja vue all over again, only this time it was Dani craving for words of wisdom.

In the nick of time God gave me words to speak to Drew that proved to helped him accept his role as Dani's special big brother once and for all. By faith I trusted the Lord to do the same for his little sister. Sitting hip-to-hip on the recliner, I put my arm around her as she began to sob uncontrollably on my shoulder. This was truly serious and I couldn't imagine what to tell this poor child. The Lord hadn't yet spoken to my heart, so I held her and acknowledged her pain. "You wish you could talk and that's why you are sad. Right?" Her big nod propelled tears down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry you are sad sweetie and I wish you could talk too. All I can say is we all have troubles that only the Lord can help us with. Your brother, daddy, and I all have weaknesses that we cannot overcome without God's help, so we do the best we can with His help." Fearing this might sound like I was making light of her serious disability, I knew I needed more than these tidy words of comfort. Even from my perspective, comparing a quick temper or streak of laziness with her inability to speak seemed cold and uncaring. About that time the Lord gave me words.

"Sissy I know you can't talk but it's important to always remember what you DO have. There are some of your friends at work who not only can't talk, but are in wheelchairs and can't walk. Some are so disabled they cannot even use sign language. You on the other hand can walk, turn on your T.V. and DVD player to watch your videos, dance, and get your own food. You can feed yourself and communicate through sign language and lots of people admire how smart you are for knowing sign language and wish they knew it too!"

Suddenly, as if a storm had lifted, the tears were gone and her sunny smile filled the room. She lifted her head off my shoulder and appeared light as a feather. With a heavy weight now off her shoulders, she stood up and began to dance around the room. In a flash she was gone from sight and off to her bedroom to watch her favorite video. She was happy the rest of the evening, having made a complete turn around.

Two things amaze me. God's perfect words at just the right time and Dani's sweet little heart. She didn't have to listen and accept these words of encouragement. She could have decided to stay in the storm and wallow in grief. Instead, she chose to release the pain and embrace God's truth. What a wonderful example.

I couldn't begin to count the times I too have been so blinded by what's wrong that I fail to see all that is right. These are the times God sends a friend my way to help me through the storm. Interestingly enough, it often takes very little on their part to turn me around. Their mere presence seems to work wonders almost instantly. A good friend mixed with God's truth always draws me back into His warm light.

Are you or someone you know in a time of distress? Storms can be intimidating from afar but we need never fear approaching a friend in their time of need. God will provide you with just the right things to say and sometimes the simplest thing like sitting with them during their darkest hour will turn someone's world around. Your presence alone can work wonders. Our little Dani can attest to that.

Autism Run (cont.)

Slugger entertains the crowd

Royals Stadium

Done!

Resting after

A Trip with Daddy

Dani's been super interested in nail polish ever since we gave Abby her get-well nail polish and lipgloss gift set. Now, every time she and Jimmy drive past a drug store she signs "Mom" and "nail polish." She so consistent with this routine Jimmy decided to take her to Walgreens so she could get some fun colors. Colors boring ole mom doesn't wear. I thought his idea was a fabulous one, so I wished them well...my only stipulations was please...no black. Jimmy agreed and off they went to the drug store.

Dani ganders the plethora of colors.

She zeroes in on a bottle...

Cocoa Bean gets a peek at her purchase.

Selecting cool blue and refreshing green, I have to admit Dani's picks are darling. She pranced around this week with blue on for days and it's about time to dawn the green. The smallest things make her happy and these tiny purchases will give her joy for days to come.

Thank Jimmy for acting on your great idea!

Abby Update

I received an update on Abby today and if all goes well she'll be going home tomorrow. She's gained a few pounds for the first time in weeks and her little body seems to be accepting the tube feeding with her new medication. The doctors said the best thing for her now is to get home and begin school with all the other children. After a month in the hospital, that's the least this sweet child deserves.

Apparently after Dani gave Abby the nail polish and lip gloss set last weekend, Abby enjoyed a fresh manicure and began asking for the lip gloss and lip balm. Prior to Dani's gift her mother said they couldn't get her to let them put anything on her lips and it was very frustrating. I'm so glad I listened to Dani's insisting that we buy the little girly gift pack versus the purple nail polish I had picked out. I thought I was being hip and modern suggesting such a wild color. Now I feel like an old fogy.

To all of you who prayed for Abby...THANK YOU...and please don't stop. She faces so many obstacles on a good day and has a long road of recover ahead of her. Nothing, however, will set her on the road toward healing like getting home to her friends and the ability to gain some weight. Continue to keep her family in your prayers as well. They are dedicated but exhausted.

If you have an extra prayer in you, ask God to help Dani learn to smile when a camera comes as opposed to reducing to tears.

Dani Visits Abby

A few months ago Dani met Abby at a festival here in town. Abby's mother is a co-worker of mine, so we were sad this week to hear Abby was in the hospital. She's been sick with an unknown intestinal disorder and her mother thought it would cheer Abby to see Dani. Since the children's hospital is familiar stomping grounds for us, Dani happily went bearing gifts and was quite ready to share a little love.

We had sent three Hawaiian leis to Abby a couple of days before our visit, so Dani wore her favorite pink flower lei to the hospital. She loaded her wrists with seven colorful bracelets and I encouraged her to think about giving Abby a few when we arrived. Dani had also picked out a girly gift pack of pink nail polish with two lip glosses and proudly carried her gift bag on her arm through the hospital.

Upon arrival we were greeted by

Abby's wonderful grandmother, Mary.

Dani gave Abby her present

and Abby picked five of her favorite bracelets.

Dani cried when the camera came out,

which is normal for her,

but she was also concerned that Abby had an IV.

She thought it hurt.

Abby was being silly with her favorite doll.

Time to slow down and rest.

The girls said their good byes and

we prayed with Abby and her grandma before leaving.

Please pray for Abby as the doctors attempt to diagnose her rare disorder. Jimmy and I have been where this family is and it's a difficult road. The days are long and the nights even longer. There is nothing like watching your child battle an illness that puzzles the experts as it steals your child. It is an indescribable grief that seems to suspend time.

In the midst of it all, however, we cling to the knowledge that God is good. He never forgets even one of His children. He loves, protects, teaches, and guides us every inch of the way. He has not forgotten Abby or her family and has a special plan for them. Jimmy, Dani, and I feel privileged to lift them up to God during this time and encourage them to the best of our ability. Bringing Dani in for a visit was the least we could do.

"Comfort, comfort my people, says your God."

Isaiah 40:1

Exceptional Family Time

Friday morning I packed up and left for St Louis to meet with a few parents who have special needs children and are fellow bloggers on Exceptional Family TV. Jimmy stayed home with Dani to keep her on schedule, so I was footloose and fancy free.

Prior to leaving I had the best time wrapping presents for the children and their parents because, even though we'd never met, we are linked by a special bond that requires no introduction. I was eager to take the trip and arrived to no disappointment. We were all welcomed into the Oswald's home with open arms, given our own part of the house to spend time together and get acquainted, and fed some scrumcious food.

Driving in from Tennessee came Susan, Exceptional Family's CEO and Executive Producer. She and I had spoken many times over phone, on Skype, and through emails, but nothing takes the place of a personal meeting and it was a pleasure to see this talented lady. What cracks me up is how different Susan and I are. She's a global thinker who dreams BIG dreams, while my brain resides comfortably in a box, struggling to accomplish even the smallest of tasks. Her big ideas used to intimidate me but I've learned to respect the talent God has granted her. After all, if she were me, Exceptional Family TV would not be the success it is today.

I also met for the first time Tara Ecklund, eFamily TV Sales Representative and mother to sweet little Lilly. Tara and I hit it off from the get go, even though I'm not sure how anyone could not get along with her. She's simply beautiful inside and out, and what a terrific mother. I don't know how many times I watched her care for Lilly and prayed I'd done half as well when Dani was that age. Tara has a great sense of humor and was a great air mattress filler upper. She worked hard to adjust my bed to fit my needs and we were like two silly girls as she filled up my mattress a second time and took advantage of the moment by blowing me in the face with the blower. I like cheap fun and that was a hoot. Once settle in for the night, Tara and I talked in the dark about all sorts of things, just like roommates in college.

Then there's the Oswald's who opened their home to our tribe. They have five children in all, one of which is Katy who has special needs. Their home is a true home filled with love, discipline, and respect. Their generosity made our weekend a success and for that we say thank you!

Here are a few pictures of the journey.

Heading out at dawn.

If you look real close you can smell the coffee.

God's signature sunrise.

A storm off in a distance,

God's way of spicing up things.

Continue below...

Exceptional Family Time (continue)

Rest, play, and talk time.

Tara enjoys the Oswald's black labrador, Hope.

The girls play the piano.

Todd smoked ribs that were so good Susan nearly cried and

Michelle's sopapillas almost reduced me to tears.

Lilly and Katy at dinner

Thanks for a wonderful weekend everyone. When can we do this again?

22 Years!

Ahhh...I remember it well, heading to the hospital at 6:30 in the evening twenty-two years ago, not to have a baby but to work the night shift in ICU. With every bed in the unit filled to capacity, the nurses' report room was a mighty tight fit.

Big as a barn I busily took notes of each patient's condition, but soon found it increasingly difficult to pay attention. Coming to my senses after a particularly hard contraction, my eyes lifted to meet the stare of male nurse looking straight at me. "Are you alright? You look like you're in labor. Should you be here?" he said with chin pulled in and eyebrow raised.

All heads turned as his comment effectively blew my cover and in a flash the nursing supervisor was called, my condition was assessed, and I was on my way to having a baby. Our little doodlebug was born that morning at 3:30 am and the rest is history.

The "Queen" as we call her has been a puzzle, pickle, joy, and mystery all rolled up in one. Jimmy and I of course had no clue what our future held the day she was born, but even after 22 years we wouldn't trade her for nothin', no way no how.

Of course, life with disabilities is an exceptionally tough road, just ask someone in our shoes. There are times when grief is a monster shy just one hair of overpowering us as the reality of her disabilities sinks deeper into our hearts. Then, amidst it all we remember two key anchors of hope: God allowed her into our lives and He has a perfect plan.

Happy Birthday little sis.

We love you!

Dani with all her presents.

Brother Drew mailed her a package of candy

which arrived right on time.

Dani's Day Hab had a party for her today. She proudly left this morning with her 9.5 lb cake (no joke that thing nearly broke my back carrying it to the car) and celebrated with her friends. She received a stack of handmade cards, peach body spray (which she's applied 5 times this evening), and a twelve-pack of roller lip gloss. Jimmy said she plopped herself in the car with all her gifts, flipped down the sun visor, and began lavishly applying her lip gloss. She's her mama's girl.

"For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb."

Psalm 139:13

Beauty and the Beast

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, this morning beauty was more of a beast as Dani approached the breakfast table. Bless her heart our little sweet pea has not one ounce of style, but loves to dress herself and show off her favorite items of clothing. The problems is she tends to wear all her favorites at once, ushering in shocking combinations when you least expect it.

This morning she pranced into the kitchen, pretty as you please, donned in her favorite Pterodactyl socks framed by a pair of my sandals. With mannequin white legs extending out her orange knit shorts, she was quite the sight to behold. No doubt God and His angels smiled and giggled along with Jimmy and me.

The piece de resistance was the hole in the sock over her right big toe.

Prom Time

Dani's Adult Day Care program had their prom a while back and the theme was Grease. Since we dressed her to the hilt for the Sweetheart Dance, in a fancy pink dress and black patent leather shoes, we decided to drop prom tradition and send her 50's style. Olivia Newton John would have been proud to see Dani with her T-shirt tied at the waist, pink bandana, and rolled up blue jeans. She was a tad proud of herself as she posed for this picture.

Some of the young men dressed in their finest suits, while the gals wore dresses. Everyone had a great time dancing and enjoying refreshments. No doubt Dani hovered like a humming bird around the refreshment table.

If She were a Savant

When an individual with Autism excels developmentally in areas that far exceeds the average, they are called a savant. Our daughter Dani isn't considered a savant but if she were it would be in the area of geography. Her ability to maneuver around the Kansas City metropolitan area is astounding. She not only knows how to get to the airport 45 miles away, but can navigate to it from all different directions. She can also identify where her grandma is buried, even though it's an area we rarely travel. She doesn't often sign "grandma" because she knows my mother is in heaven, but when she does mention her best friend it's on the highway near the cemetery. Truly amazing.

Like many Autistics Dani has a few quirks that are unique and challenging. For instance she hates fringe. Several years ago I mistakingly bought living room rugs with decorative loose ends all to watch her avoid them like the plague. Seems I inadvertently purchased her very nightmare. Now, whenever she enters the living room she takes an alternate route or awkwardly hops over the fringe.

Unlike some Autistics Dani is not overly concerned with the order of things. Her desire for organization seems focused mainly on humans. She can detect an adult who is not in control of the situation at the drop of a hat. The only therapists she's ever fussed with were the ones who were new and unsure of themselves. I kind of admire her ability to assess adults this way. I prefer more grounded folks myself.

Given the fact Dani is not a neat freak, I was shocked the other evening when I walked into her room and saw her play things lined up neat and a precise. Tidy as a store, her play food, bracelets, and other sundries were parked on her bookshelves in exact little spots. I couldn't help but say,"Good job girl!"

She even found the perfect place for her Daniel Boon hat

...atop her stuffed rabbit.

I don't know if this was a late case of spring fever or what, but it was a pleasant surprise just the same.

Picture Perfect Mother's Day

Friday afternoon, when Dani came home from her Adult Day Hab program, she promptly took her backpack to her room and commenced fishing around in it as if on a hunt for a special prize. I didn't think much about it as I began to settle in for a nice relaxing weekend.

After a quick and successful rummage through her things, she appeared at my side proud as a peach presenting me with my now early Mother's Day gift. Holding it in my hands, I couldn't believe my eyes. No wonder she was proud as a peacock. It was a framed picture of herself smiling from ear to beautiful ear. Seems they'd been hard at work all week helping her and the other special needs folks make that special something for that special someone on that special day...Mother's Day!

It's ironic Dani hates to have her picture taken and yet her gift to me was a priceless photo of herself. I was touched as I gazed at her delightful face, both next to me and in the frame. Truth be known it's been a tough road these past 21 years with Autism, but I am proud to be her and her brother Drew's mother. Motherhood is a privilege, an honor, and investment into the future. Nothing could ever replace or duplicate the bond a mother has with her children. Moments like these prove the point.

I hope this Mother's Day brings you joy and may the Lord bless you and your family abundantly!

Closer than a Brother

When Cocoa Bean came into our lives we hadn't planned on having two dogs, but he grew on us like a little weed. Cute as a bug's ear, we just had to keep him after his mama birthed him and his eight brothers and sisters in our home. Once the decision was made to keep him I couldn't help but wonder what role God had for him in our family. The other night I got a glimpse.

Each evening when we put Dani to bed we say our prayers and always include her brother who lives out of town. She misses Drew but understands she can only see him every so often. The other night, after the amen, I look down to see Cocoa Bean standing on the foot of the bed waiting for something. It seemed a bit odd he wouldn't lay down, but I figured he was simply waiting to follow me out. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Turns out he had no intentions of leaving with me at all. He was in fact waiting for me to skedattle in order to take my place. Snuggling up close to Dani, he looked at me as if to say, "I thought you'd never leave." After a quick flash of the camera he got his wish and I left the two alone.

Beanie Weenie sleeps with Dani every night. Like a guard standing post he's with her as she drifts off to sleep and protects her through the dark midnight hours. Even though she rarely pets and by all accounts ignores him, he doesn't care. Somehow knowing she's different and in need of extra special attention, he's adopted her and accepted the job as her companion and friend. Now I see one of the gifts God has given us in our little Bean. A little brother who cares for our Dani with unconditional love.

It's good to know God loves us with an everlasting love as well. When life gets lonely and darkness threatens to swallow us whole, He is there to comfort and provide. He continues to love us even when we are unlovable and is faithful to remain by our side when we forget or choose to ignore Him. He is faithful to the end. Let us thank Him for abounding love.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,

who comforts us in all our troubles,

so that we can comfort those in any trouble

with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Joy Comes in the Morning...it really does.

I love the motto that says, "If it ain't broke don't fix it." It couldn't be more true when it comes to blogs. After all, why rewrite an already perfectly worded blog? There'd be no point. That's why today I want to do something a little different. Since you're always hearing my perspective of caring for our special needs child, I thought you might want to hear my husband Jimmy's side for a change. Click the link below and see for yourself his and Dani's little adventure this morning.

You're a good man dear!

DOUGLAS PHOTOGRAPHY

One Word

How many parents of 21 year old children are proud as peacocks their child wrote one word? For sure not many, but Jimmy and I are among the few because last Sunday Dani copied the Name above all names on the white board.

I'd just taken her to her new special needs class and as I spoke with the teachers the kids began to write and draw on the board. In order to give Dani a little guidance I wrote "Jesus" and a line underneath for her to copy the letters. Handing her the marker I turned back to talk with the teachers. I'd no sooner returned to the conversation when a little tap landed on my arm. She knew what she had written, for she knows His name, and was eager to show me her work.

Like a good mom I gave the board a quick glance, but instead of turning my attention back to the conversation with the teachers as I had intended, I gasped a gasp that shocked even me. Why...I sucked in so much air you'd have thought a poisonous snake was crawling up the wall. But instead of running, I stepped toward the source of my shock because there in front of my eyes was the most beautiful handwriting I'd ever seen. My little girl had written the name of her maker and it was simply beautiful.

I remember the days when I not only would have never placed Dani in a handicapped class, but been more ashamed than proud she could write only one word at 21 years of age. Those were the days when my pride was so devastated over having a disabled child that it took every ounce of energy to tend to damage control. I ate Twinkies continually to numb the pain and prayed without ceasing for God to heal her so I could survive. He never did grant my wish, yet somehow I managed to exist.

It's been a long road these past couple of decades but I've come a long way. I no longer gorge on little cakes to ease the pain and my eyes are less on me and more on our daughter. Little things like writing a word on the white board actually warm my heart and prompt me to thank God for the biggest little thing in the world. After all, if no one else notices her sparse accomplishments we know He does because nothing escapes His attention. He created her, He cares for her, and loves her just the way she is. So do I. Guess I'm finally becoming a little more like Him.

"Exceptional Family T.V."

I'm thrilled to be teaming up with Exceptional Family T.V. as they reach out to provide support and resources for families with disabled children. Shows begin airing online in May 2010 and I'm excited because this is just the thing Jimmy and I wish we had tucked under our belts 21 years ago as we launched on the toughest journey of our lives.

I can't help but wonder what it would have been like to have had even an inkling of what lie ahead. Maybe if I had been told what to expect I'd have been better prepared to handle watching my dreams shatter before my very eyes. Maybe a little knowledge of the inevitable would have not only softened the blow, but also prompted me to accept rather than fight the will of God. Only God knows for sure what a little support would have done, all I know is that even now tears stream down my cheeks as the tape of history rewinds to the early days of learning our child was both Autistic and deaf. No words can describe.

Dani's birth was like driving into a wall of dense fog. Once in it we were completely lost, yet there was nothing we could do but persevere through. I can't tell you how many times we've felt disoriented, discouraged, and exhausted on this journey, yet no matter the condition we could not give up or turn away. We are her parents and must continue to move forward trusting God is in control and has a plan that is good, even though its often cloaked in a fog.

I visited Exceptional Family T.V.'s discussion board today and read the current question, "What do you find to be most challenging as you raise a child with special needs?" Parents mentioned different things like the judgements and attitudes of others, and people either not seeing their child's disability or seeing nothing but their child's special need. Reading through the list I could relate to every single entry and my heart went out to each loving parent's challenge. Each comment touched me deeply because when it comes to parenting a disable child, I know one thing is true, "if it ain't one thing it's another." I suppose that's why when pondering my biggest hurdle it wasn't difficult to pinpoint it's that of giving my life as a living sacrifice. It's been a long and difficult road and it isn't near over. Why, just this morning I no sooner sat down for some quiet time all to look up and see Dani awake and alert staring at me ready to begin the day. I confess I was irritated but even in the frustration I was reminded that my call is clear and my job not yet complete. I must persevere and not give up, yet another thing I wish I'd known in the early years.

What is your calling? Maybe it's nothing you ever planned. If so, I can relate and encourage you to remember you are not alone. Many of us are in the same boat, it's just sometimes difficult to see one another amidst the fog. It's good to know that even a little support or the smallest word of encouragement can turn a life around. If you are a discouraged parent of a special needs child, visit Exceptional Family T.V. today and find the support you need. I'll be there too and look forward to seeing you there!